Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
