have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
