I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
