he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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