So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
