and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
