I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
