The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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