It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can you bring me the toilet please
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
