Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
