bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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