Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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