Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
