Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
