Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
