nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
