her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
