Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
