I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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