If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
porn star boner night. come get it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
