maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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