My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize