you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
