i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
