i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
