Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
