Swine flu. Run for my life!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
