I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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