He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize