a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize