My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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