I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize