think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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