it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize