People in love make me want to vomit
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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