he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
