we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
