i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
