I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
