i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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