She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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