You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
