I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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