Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
