oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
