Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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