Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Houston, we have a squirter
But theres a keg here and me gusta
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
