Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
