I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My ass is underappreciated
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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