i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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