I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
