dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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