You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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