you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
