Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize