This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
