You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
