If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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