i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
