onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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