My friends, they love my intelligence
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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