i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
