god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
