All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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