i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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