But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? šš
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You know itās going to be a rough day when you scream āGet fuckedā at your alarm clock
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