dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
