just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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