Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
