just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
