Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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