my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
