how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
