I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
