I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
