is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
