I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
