Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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